The spectacular now

Time is not linear.
Events happen in linear time, but…

It is so easy to fall into the sweet torpor of thinking about the past, or of dreaming about the future. That is the perfect drug.
The hardest thing a human does is to live in the present. It is the scariest of them all. The present brings all the pain, horror and misery.

Teach your child to live in the present and live yourself in the present more than you do. This is the sort of thing one truly learns only by example.

 

…do I get my standing ovation?
No?
OK, I’ll try harder next time.
Bye-bye.

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Finding Hippo

A hippo.
A pink lady hippo.
A pink lady hippo with one green ear and one yellow ear.
Kinda like this one, only with a scarf.

hippo.jpg

 

She will be your child’s best friend.
He will feed her, tuck her in, protect her from all that is evil. Just like you do.
She will teach him tenderness and how to reduce his aggression. Because he won’t fear her, like he does everyone else (yes, that means you too), he will love her.

Of course, one day you might lose her and you will have to explain loss and grief to your child. But enough with the preaching.

Find your Lady Hippo!

Letters

Teach you kid digits and letters. You’ll be surprised what he can do with them.

You’ll be even more surprised what a 2-3 year old can learn.

letters.jpg

Oh, and keep a few books handy. Once he gets the hang of it, he might prefer taking up a book to pointless running.

…and yes, this means you’ll spend more time with him than with your phone.

The day the angels left

“Goodbye kids. Pa pa. Goodbye friends.”
“Who are you talking to my son? With the angels?”
“Yes.”
“Are they going away?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t worry. They will come back from time to time to see you. This is what friends do.”
“…”
“Oh, don’t be scared. They love you, they are your friends.”
“…”
“How do they look like? Blond and pretty?”
“Yeees!”
“Come on, we’re going to Reuben. He is blond and pretty too. Like an angel.”

Autism is fear

You know what I’m talking about.

You’ve seen it.

You just did not recognize it, because of your own fear.

This is the key.

Maybe I’m crazy, or, maybe, just maybe, I found something.

 

You’ve seen that face your entire life. Open mouth, raised eyebrows. You know what it is. It’s fear.

…and now you see it all the time on your child. On your beloved child who has been diagnosed with autism, or is suspected to be autistic.

Of course he is afraid. He may be brilliant in many ways, normal in some, but he fears that which he does not understand. Like we all do.

 

I will tell you what you need to do. Yes, YOU!

Be fearless, everything else is just details.

Easier said than done, right? Well, all you need to do is change yourself so much that you stop fearing. At least when your kid is around. If you have no fear, you might want to get checked, because something is not right with you.

How do you go about it? Here is the checklist:

  1. Solve you issues. This may take a while, don’t be too hard on yourself.
  2. Start believing in something. If it’s God or your teddy bear, it really does not matter. Have something to hold on to when the storm comes.
  3. Love, forgive, laugh. Do your best to keep all negative emotions far away.
  4. Be prepared for setbacks. All great champions have this in them, and you will be a great champion.
  5. Talk. Really talk with people. Listen to them, try your best to be present when they communicate with you.
  6. Help people. However you can, just don’t let that be your main concern.
  7. Accept you are going to die. This is what separates grown-ups from kids and you can’t be a kid anymore.

Finished yet?

Now we can go about our business.

As I’ve said earlier, your kid fears that which he does not understand. Your job is to make him stop fearing. Explain to him what happens, help him overcome his paralysis in front of the things he fears.

Because real fear is when you feel paralyzed, when you stop thinking and can’t react. This is what happens with your kid. At least at first. In time, he may learnĀ inappropriate behaviors which help him cope with his fears. And fear may look like hitting, or shutting down, or spinning around in circles.

It is said an animal chews his paws out of a trap to get away. Your kid is not an animal, don’t let him do that. Teach him how to be human.

 

More to follow.